Zombie Justice Warriors, 1000ish word story

“Your living normative views are archaic and monstrous in the post Zombie society.” The gray haired mohawk was blabbering again. Her face was a mask of righteous fury and contempt. I didn’t have to look to know, cause she never wore any other expressions. It’s how I knew it was a mask, cause it never changed.

“Just because they’re hearts aren’t beating doesn’t make them not human. Rounding them up like this is akin to Hitler trying to round up autistic people into pens to burn them.” I wondered if stupidity was contagious now. If being bitten can turn you into a cannibal could hearing moronic arguments turn you ignorant?

“That’s dumb, Autism didn’t even exist in world war 2.” Oh great, someone is even dumber. I finally picked my head up to see which new challenger had entered the Dumber dome….You know, like thunder dome? but dumb? Shit I think the change is starting. That was fast.

“Vaccines like the polio one hadn’t yet infected the population and…” I’m sure he said other things but my brain mercifully tuned them out. It was a pimply face teen wearing a bow tie, pressed white shirt with red stripes and slacks 4 inches too short. One of those homeschool kids who think that because they rushed through calculus 3 years before a regular high schooler, they were ready for college. God I hated that kid.

The worst part was he was probably one of the more tolerable people in the class. The water stained roof, cracked tile, and puke yellow wall paper was a perfect setting for the depressing mass of barely humans that made up my peer group. A mix of 40 year old housewives who thought cooking lunch for their husbands for 15 years meant they knew something about life, young hipsters punks desperate to be part of the “new youth movement,” ready to reject anyone over their privilege and lack of acceptance, and perhaps worst of all, the bro’s working on business or criminal justice degrees, because they weren’t good enough at sports to get to a real college. Why did I come back to this community college shit hole?

“You’re just blinded by your rich whiteness and can’t see that they’re people too. I talked to one the other day and-”  Gray mohawk had taken over, but I was done listening to this shit.

“No you didn’t you stuck up Cunt. Zombies can’t talk. They aren’t people. They’re brains are completely dead, nothing remains of the person they were. You can’t reason with them, threaten them, or communicate in anyway. Stop trying to push your blind faith in the goodness of the human body on us. It’s fucking dangerous. They look like us, that’s it. They’re trying to kill us and you’re making it easy you dumb dick rag.” The over zealous purple eye shadow was far to visible as the bitches eyes widened more than I thought possible.

“You aren’t special cause you feel sorry for them, you aren’t better than us cause you show compassion to the concept of Nihilism given life. They are the all consuming hunger, the destruction of the race and the world visible to all to see, evil personified. Defending that is beyond retarded.” The room was silent for a blessed 3 seconds. Then the teacher snored and it was my turn to get lit into.

“And what the fuck would you know about it? You haven’t lost anyone, protected on your compound, locking out those who can’t shoot, who don’t have skills. Have you ever tried looking one of them in the eyes? You ever go down to one of cages and actually try reaching out? They dance when you play music. They stare if you play a movie. And even if they are just shuffling eating machines? So what? Does everyone need to be useful, need to be a munitioning person, to have a place? You gonna start shooting brain damaged and coma patients next because they aren’t up to your standards? Fuck you you arrogant, selfish, privileged prick.”

I probably would have been properly chastised but like a sign from the alarm asshole writer of the universe, the alarm rang. Zombies had broken out.

There was a mad dash to the door. People fighting, pulling, punching, kicking, hoping they would make it first. Suckers. Never go first. The alarm only sounded after break out had reach the building. They were already in the halls. Best time to run would be when they were busy eating your study partners thigh. The first ones out were likely to run into the hordes waiting jaws.

The door began to clear after a minute or two and the screams of fear in the hall amplified as the other classes emptied out. I grabbed the desk I’d been sitting in, tossed it up in the air casually and let it drop. The thing shattered, wood and metal going everywhere. Sometimes you had to be glad for under budgeted school system.

I grabbed a few choice pieces of metal, one a 6 inch spiky bit and another close to a foot and half pipe perfect for crushing an already rotting skull. Thanks to whatever crazy Russian scientist designed the diseases to prematurely start the decomposition process. Made my life so much easier.  The screams had died down a lot by now, mostly there was moaning of pain. I stuck my head out to see the situation. A few dozen of the beasts were chewing on people scattered throughout the hall. Pimply face was one of them. He reached feebly for me as an old fat woman went to town on his stomach.

I thought about putting him out of his mercy for a second, but fuck him. He was an asshole. I walked down the hall quietly and quickly. I only had a few encounters with the fuckers and I ended them fairly fast. I made it outside in good time and began to jog towards my jeep. I spied Gray Mohawk trying to hold off a one of them, a small one, might have been a child, with a branch. She kept backing up trying to push it away. She didn’t see the curb and tripped as her heel bumped it. I sprinted over, reaching her with just enough time to put the metal spike through the child’s eye before it began to chomp her legs.

She stared at me panting, purple running down her face from the tears. She mouthed the words thank you.

“Now do you see? They’re not people. They’re monsters. Dangerous.”

She took a breath, closed her eyes and composed herself. “But…If we could just fence them better than”

I hit her in the face with the pipe and kept smashing till her skull was pulp. Like I said, she was dangerous. “Sorry bitch, but you were just meat anyway.”


No views expressed in this are meant to reflect my opinions on people or issues in the real world. This story came out of the idea that if Zombies existed, people would rally together to give them some form of rights and protections, since we’d defeat any zombie menace in a matter of weeks if not days. This led to a conversation about the ridiculous premise of the internet stereotype Social Justice Warriors for but for zombies and how that concept combined with a ultra violent fantasy would make a hilarious over the top movie. As such I wanted to try exploring that concept here. Long story short, this is fiction, don’t take it seriously, or you’re dumb.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s