Didn’t have time to write up the post I wanted today so this is the first draft I had of an idea I’ve been kicking around of for a few years now. It’s more serious than I usually go. It’s a very fictionalized but accurate account of what happens when people don’t communicate clearly. It’s not an excuse, but more of explanation for when people ask, “How can that happen, how can a person do that?”
Trigger warning…Seriously don’t read if you are triggerable. Super adult themes and some really potentially head fucking stuff below. It’s not supposed to be happy or a good time. In case you can’t guess from the title it’s about rape and afterwards I discuss that and brush alongside other gender issues. If that’s not your cup of tea, don’t read. You were warned.
Her body writhed in pleasure. Her heat was infectious, her moans vibrating through me body to a deeper more primal place than I’d knew I had. I ran my hand down her smooth flat stomach, over the slightly rougher lace of her panties. I had meant to continue up her leg, tracing the inside of her thigh but the wetness below halted my hand. I shivered slightly and reached below the band.
Her back arched and her head bumped against mine. I buried my face in her neck, nibbling the flesh softly. Her breath was quick, coming in short bursts as I found myself in the place I’d been searching for my whole life, just hadn’t known it till now. I felt so right reaching my fingers in nothing could feel better. Well one thing could but that would come. I began to move faster and her reactions were far stronger.
The word was so soft I barely heard it. I stopped more from surprise than compliance. I waited, nervous, all my muscles tense. A second passed. Two. Five went by but she didn’t move. So I slowly started kissing her again. She didn’t pull away, she didn’t say anything, but she didn’t react well. Still the whiskey was in me and with my blood pumping fast I thought I good get her back into it. Turns I out I was right. A minute later she was moving again, her but wriggling against my crotch and I knew I was back in. I kept it up for a few minutes more before starting with my hand again.
She reached down and pushed it away. Here body still pushed into mine and she still writhed but she was holding my hand out. I was confused but I was still able to feel the rest of her body so I kept at it. She was enjoying my attentions elsewhere and so was I. But as the night progressed I kept wanting to go back. And each time I tried she stopped me. But with a little less effort. And finally none.
I’d made it back to Valhalla, I was in. It felt glorious and her reaction as I entered drove me further. I held her close and began to work furiously. She whispered “no.” one more time but there was no heart and I could tell she was lying. I kept it and soon she was screaming a different tone.
I flipped her over after that, throwing myself between her legs. My gentleness was gone and I as I got closer I could feel her heat calling me, pulling me in. I entered slow, my eyes closed, nothing but the white hot sensation going through my body. I felt her shudder, heard her moan of pleasure as she ground her hips into mine. I smiled and sighed, and opened my eyes.
Tears were running down her cheeks and I heard it again. “No, please No.” I regretted that night for the rest of my life.
One of the common complaints I hear against feminist is that they preach that we shouldn’t teach women to defend themselves from rape, but that we should teach men to not rape. People talk about how rapists are predators and can’t be taught and there’s no hope of preventing it at the source. My goal with this story is to illustrate the opposite. The narrator doesn’t ever realize what he’s doing is terrible, because all he see’s is the girls physical reaction and basis everything off that. This is sadly not an uncommon viewpoint and it needs to be corrected.
Men(and probably women too) need to be taught that just because a person seems physically into it, it doesn’t mean they actually want it. This is a completely separate thing from whether we should teach women(people really) how to defend themselves against violent rapists. It’s one of the reasons comprehensive sex ed is so important because without it alot of people are just to fucking ignorant to realize the awful crime they committing.